Relationships and Abuse

  I have come to believe that there is a parallel between the Trump presidency and the pattern seen in abusive relationships.  In abusive relationships the victim begins the relationship with high hopes.  The victim looks toward a rosy future and feels great passion and joy at what they believe the future holds.  The abuser, on the other hand, begins the relationship with a manipulative agenda…  one that seeks to fulfill a need for control and dominance.  That difference encompasses a stark reality….  one that eventually diminishes the victims self esteem turning the relationship into a codependent nightmare of emotional blackmail…  psychological torture…. financial abuse and oftentimes physical harm.

The relationship may begin with a magnetic personality drawing the victim in close with lavish praise, expense gifts, excessive attention, grandiose plans and promises of an idyllic life together.  The victim gently is encouraged to move away from their own personal values to enhance the relationship, toward the values of the abuser… which initially do not seem that far off from the victim's current position.

 Over time, the victim is continually encouraged to move further and further from their own values toward the values of the abuser until their values are no longer represented.  This may occur in many areas…. emotional… psychological... financial… and physical.  One day, the victim no longer recognizes themselves when they look in the mirror.  They have lost their moral center and their self-esteem has been decimated.

Since our current president (and his administration) have been involved in the political arena…. first as a birther…. now as a politician… we have watched our country become a tangled morass of fringe elements that seek to separate us, the American people, and break apart our democracy.   We have always been a nation of differing opinions… however, we have in the past, been able to disagree with one another without devolving into name calling, racial and religious profiling and disrespect.

Normalizing the type of destructive rhetoric and hate speech we have seen over the past two years from our president… the fringes of the media… and in social media… has brought our democracy to a new low.

We have forgotten how to express our disagreements without becoming disagreeable…
We have forgotten our manners…
We have forgotten how to share information so that others can hear us without becoming defensive….
We have forgotten how to compromise…

 I suggest that  Americans  are currently involved in an abusive relationship with the current president.  We have been drawn in by a magnetic personality who has courted us with lavish praise… excessive attention… grandiose plans…. . and promises of an idyllic life together under his guidance.

Instead of experiencing any kind of idyllic life we, the American people, have been subjected to moral outrage…. social upheaval…. name calling and bullying…. racial and religious profiling… and disrespect.  We, the American people, have been demoralized by this administration.  Social media and fringe media outlets have deluded us, attempting to normalize hate and bigotry.  We have seen the respect for America around the world diminished in countless ways through presidential bullying of foreign diplomats…. disrespectful behaviors at summits…. and a general failure to acknowledge the equality of other heads of state.

I propose that we, the American people, break off our relationship with this abusive president before we are subjected to further demoralization.  Thus far our self esteem is still partially intact…. we can still look in the mirror and recognize ourselves.  We must end this destructive path we have erroneously taken by recognizing that we have been duped into believing we were entering into a relationship for our benefit when it has become appallingly apparent that we are being violated and abused emotionally… psychologically… financially… and physically.

Deciding to end an abusive relationship is fraught with difficulties.  The abuser will often times blame the victim for the failure of the relationship… as well as for any damage the victim has suffered at the hands of the abuser.  The possibility of this outcome should not frightened or deter us from our goal.  We are strong and can recover from whatever abuse we have endured.  We must resolve to restore our self esteem through self care…. beginning with ending the cycle of abuse and the relationship that fosters it.