Evolution Is A Thing

Sometimes other folks thoughts are so excellent that they deserve to be reposted...  Enjoy.

Evolution is a thing
By Will Femia - Thu Nov 8, 2012 1:00 AM EST.


Ohio really did go to the president last night.

And he really did win.
And he really was born in Hawaii.
And he really is -legitimately- President of the United States.
Again.

And the Bureau of Labor Statistics did not make-up a fake unemployment rate last month.
And the Congressional Research Service really can find no evidence
That cutting taxes on rich people grows the economy.

And the polls were not skewed to over-sample Democrats.
And Nate Silver was not making up fake projections about the election
To make conservatives feel bad.
He was doing math.
And climate change is real.
And rape really does cause pregnancy sometimes.
And evolution is a thing.
And Benghazi was an attack on us.
It was not a scandal by us.

And no one is taking away anyone's guns.
And taxes haven't gone up.
And the deficit is dropping, actually.
And Saddam Hussein didn't have weapons of mass destruction.

And the moon landing was real.
And FEMA isn't building concentration camps.
And UN election observers aren't taking over Texas.
And moderate reforms of the regulations on the insurance industry
And the financial services industry
Are not the same thing as communism.
Listen.

Adapted from The Rachel Maddow Show 11/7

It's Just Rough Sex!!

The clean shaven guy in the suit sat with his female attorney by his side, her hand on this arm.  Hey...  it was just rough sex...  she liked it...  she was flirting with me...  I just gave her what she wanted... she was old enough to know what she was doing.  That's what the rapist said on the stand.  That's why he got away with it...  again!! 

Rape is a crime.   period...

44% of rape victims are under 18 years of age.... 80% are under 30 years of age... approximately 200,000 women are raped each year in the United States... 54% of rapes are never reported to the police... 97% of rapists never spend one day in jail.

Look at these sobering statistics. If the Supreme Court should overturn Roe vs Wade because a President appointed an anti-choice judge?  If congress passed a law signed by an anti-choice President that makes abortion in America illegal...  with exceptions in cases of rape, incest or the life of the mother?

Just exactly who determines if the woman was raped?  If the rapist says it was consensual sex who do politicians believe?  Do we wait until a jury decides?  By then it may be too far along in the pregnancy...  Do we let the police decide?  Do we let the health insurance industry decide?  Who decides?  How exactly do we create a working policy that supports such a position?

It is demoralizing, demeaning and soul crushing to be raped.  To be forced to carry the child of a rapist to term because politicians in your own government decided to outlaw access to safe abortion is to strike at the very essence of freedom for women throughout the world.  We in America are supposed to be a shining light... an example of decency and humanity to the rest of the world... a proponent of womens rights for other countries to emulate.

The founding principles of our country are that we as immigrants came here to escape religious persecution... not to create it.  If your faith allows you to believe that life begins at conception that is your perogative and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.  If you don't believe that there is a God, you have that right and no one can tell you otherwise.  But neither the person who believes that life begins at conception nor the person who doesn't believe there is a God have the right to impose their beliefs on anyone else.  That is the essence of the religious freedom that we cherish so dearly in America.  That is the reason for the separation of Church and State that has kept our country sane for all these years.

Women are intellegent, hard working human beings who are capable of deciding within their own heart how best to deal with such a horrific situation.  We do not need anyone to make our decisions for us.  We do not need to be fixed...  we only need validation from those whom we love and cherish. 

Let us not pursue a course that begins the very persecution that our forebears left behind when they came to America and founded our nation over 200 years ago.

Please think carefully about what kind of nation we are leaving our daughters and grandaughters... We are responsible for the consequences of our choices today.

Bedtime Story

Let me tell you a bedtime story...

I open my eyes and blearily look around the room.  It's barely light outside.  I can see the leaves through the crack between where the window shade ends and the sill begins.  They are turning different hues of orange and red.  I still see a few that are green.  It must be autumn.  The room looks the same as it does each day.  Oddly familiar but strange.  I struggle to sit up.  Everytime I move some part of me hurts.  It feels as though I have been beaten within an inch of my life.  I sigh.  There's no point...  my head feels fuzzy and I can't remember.  After a very long time I stand.  I feel unsteady and grip the bars along the bottom of the bed.   They too seem odd...  I don't recall them being there the last time I stood in this room.   I shuffle along to the door and try the handle.  As usual it's locked.  I walk very slowly back to the bed and stop to rest.  I feel exhausted...  drained...  I look across the polished wooden floor to the mirror hanging just above the dresser.  I stand and walk over to the dresser staring at the woman who looks back at me with hollow eyes and gaunt cheeks.  Part of me knows who she is and why she is here...  but another part of me is filled with rising panic as I stare into her vacant gaze.  Suddently the woman in the mirror sneers at me  spitting epithets and vile accusations.  I cover my ears and turn away in horror.  I cross quickly to the bed and slink under the covers hugging my pillow and rocking myself.  Soon I hear the sound of the door being unlocked and the woman comes into the room.  She reaches out to touch my head and I cringe but she strokes my hair gently.  I hear the sound of her footsteps back across the floor then the click of the lock. And soon I fall back to sleep. 

Who is this woman? 
Why is she locked in this room? 
Why is she so terrified?
What has happened to her? 

Rusty Tools and WD40

It's been a while since I've been here... blogging in the ether... but it's been for a good cause. I have been working hard on finishing my book. I had no idea just how difficult it would be to write an entire book that makes sense and has a beginning... a middle... and, of course, an end. Now that I am nearing completion I must say that I am proud that I will be finished with the final editing within a few months.

In the interim we have all grown... lived our lives... confronted our issues and become a greater part of the recovery community. There have been ups and downs... all relationships have times when we feel stuck... but we drag out the old tools... clean off the rust and begin using them once again.

Even if our tools have become so rusty that we have forgotten what to do with them, we can soak them in a bit of WD40 overnight and get them lubricated and moving once again. How do we do that? We pull out our old recovery materials and reread the pieces that have meaning to us in the present. Maybe we are dealing with frustration ~ this book is taking me forever ~ or anger ~ another day of writer's block... ugh! Regardless, we have tools to get us through those times when our emotions are screaming that we are overwhelmed and our head is telling us to take a time out and practice self care.

No matter how long we have been in recovery... days, weeks, months or even years... it makes no difference. We can become overwhelmed in a matter of moments and forget our tools. We need only to be reminded that they are always there waiting for us to take them out of the tool bag and put them to good use!!

Listening To Our Gut

Loss of faith in our ability to discern is one of the many areas we must grieve as we recover from the trauma of the ending of a relationship.

Yes, we can initially believe that we were deceived... but eventually we will recognize that we also played a part in the deception. We stopped practicing self care. We neglected our own gut reactions for so long that we lost touch with that inner voice... the one that tells us when something isn't quite right... long before the relationship with the partner began.

We learned our habit of ignoring the elephant in the room when we were kids in our family of origin. Then, when we went out looking for a mate, we took our dysfunctional self on the road. We may very well have been deceived... but we picked the deceiver because we learned to turn off our early warning system as kids.

When we begin to practice self care and discernment... learning to trust those who are actually trustworthy... we will restore our broken picker a little at a time. We didn't become broken overnight... we won't heal overnight.

Patience... it takes a long time to rebuild trust in ourselves... in our ability to discern when we are being fooled. We have to learn to trust our gut again... to get back in touch with our body and listen to it's signals. Most of life's communication (over 80%) is non verbal... our gut reads that language fluently.

Listen to it!

Scars, Life and Lessons

Life offers us the opportunity to learn through lessons.

When we experience loss... whether through divorce or the ending of a committed relationship... we have two choices. We can waste our time... blaming our partner for their failures... or we can invest our time... examining ourselves to make the most of the lessons presented to us from the experience.

If we choose to invest our time in bettering ourselves it doesn't excuse our partner's failures but instead gives us the chance to acquire wisdom. We open ourselves to the possibility that we played some part in the failure of our relationship. If we seek knowledge with an open mind and spirit we will be shown the area in which change is necessary. Rarely do relationships fail because of the actions of only one in the partnership. Unhealthy interactions can become habitual.

Wisdom and acceptance bring us to a place of peace... a place where we become comfortable in our own skin. Acceptance allows us to incorporate our experiences... whether positive or negative... into our sense of self.

We become more as a result of all that has happened to us in life. The whole being greater than the sum of it's parts. We may even be able to share some of our wisdom with others to help them through their pain.

When we understand why we selected our partner in the first place we give ourselves the greatest of all gifts... understanding.

Scars remind us of where we've been... they don't have to dictate where we're going.

Claw Marks

One of the most respected authors in the recovery field, Melody Beattie, said... Everything I have ever let go of has had claw marks on it.

Learning to let go is a lifelong process. The earliest lessons in our lives occur within our family of origin. These lessons teach us basic skills... what love feels like... how to relate to others... survival. When our family of origin is dysfunctional in some way we still learn lessons... but those lessons may be skewed. Instead of learning that love is positive and pleasurable we may learn that love equals pain. We may learn that interpersonal interaction include habits that no longer work... sending mixed messages... inability to communicate... fear of intimacy. These defense mechanisms probably served us well in the past... kept us safe... allowed us to survive in a dysfunctional environment. But these same defenses may be responsible for sabotaging our relationships in the present.

Letting go of outdated habits and defense mechanisms is hard work... but something we must strive to accomplish if we wish to succeed in our personal lives. We struggle to let go and get past the fears that keep us in emotional bondage. Lessons present themselves throughout our lives. If we pay attention and seek to learn we will grow and overcome. The lessons may be difficult but what we learn is worth the trials. Eventually we feel gratefulness for the guidance and wisdom the lessons provide. These lessons prepare us for the eventuality of letting go of this life.

Practicing self care... learning to pay attention to the lessons when we suffer losses... learning to let go... becoming grateful for the wisdom imparted via life's lessons... these are the goals of recovery.