Intimacy

One of the most sought after ideals in the human condition is intimacy. We yearn to have another truly know us. Yet at the same time we are desperately afraid to be seen. This harsh reality is the cause of many relationship struggles. We come together then pull apart. We desire time with others, then move away to soothe ourselves. In the dance of intimacy there is the unspoken two step that we unconsciously complete as we glide along. We often participate in the dance without even knowing it. We move in concert with our partner as though we were trained together.

Why then does the dance cause so much pain and drama in our daily lives? As we come together we feel the rush of closeness and the promise of joy that intimacy holds. We revel in the moment. But we cannot sustain the level of intimacy without feeling the fear that we somehow, will be lost. In reaction we pull back, gasping for personal space. Our instinctive reaction to pull away is our survival mechanism preserving our individuality. Intimacy at this level cannot be sustained for more than mere moments at a time. If we lived constantly at this energy level we would be exhausted.

So why does the coming apart cause so much drama and feelings of loss? Our expectations are the root of the challenge. We do not always understand the necessity of individuality. In our search for intimacy and connection we often feel that we must remain connected at all times to be whole. This is certainly not the case. In order to be two whole individuals, we must come apart to live our own lives and bring new experiences and ideas back to the joining. We must pull away to again rejoin. This time of separation allows us to live our own experiences, increase our self esteem and come back together with more to offer our partner. The synergy of the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. As we increase our self worth through self care and using our tools, we increase the value of our intimate relationships. This is a gift we give ourselves, intimacy.

Work

Every day millions of Americans get up and go to work. They plan their vacations around their jobs. They plan their families lives around when they can get time away from work. This past year over three million people in the United States lost their jobs and cannot find work. In addition to the financial hardship that a lost job creates, there is extreme stress due to the inability of a wage earner to provide for their family. This coupled with the loss of health care coverage creates a home environment ripe for conflict. For a man, self esteem is often tied to a job or job title. For many women this is also the case, but women may have another outlet for esteem building... the family. In either case, the loss of income and health care coverage can be catastrophic.

During times of extreme hardship and stress, support meetings can be a true lifeline. Local YMCA's, churches, synagogues and mosques offer free weekly support meetings. These are places where anonymity is valued and privacy is required. Folks meet to share their stories, hardships, loss and recoveries. All this can give a stressed person hope, showing light at the end of the tunnel. Not only is the support of the group of tantamount importance, but the friendships that grow through attending meetings can become the strongest links in the chain toward recovery, both financial and emotional. The only requirement for getting help is the willingness to ask, and to let another lend a hand up.