Changing the Dance

Listened to the news this week and noticed a pattern that parallels life. Every station raved on and on about the AIG bonus payments and the related scandal. News casts on each channel continued the discourse throughout the week. Finally, on Thursday President Obama spoke on the Late Show and made the most intelligent comment about the AIG drama yet. He mentioned the feelings of outrage that we all share of this company getting funds from American taxpayers and using it to pay bonuses to those same executives who caused the economic collapse in the first place. But the real statement came right afterward. What are we going to do to make certain that no other company can hold us hostage with their risky behavior ever again... put regulations in place to prevent this type of risk taking with other peoples money.

How many times in our lives have we lived through incredible drama? We get through to the other side and are relieved it's over. In our haste to move on, we forget to put in place boundaries or consequences to prevent a recurrence. We may not even communicate fully to resolve the problem and insure that we and our partners understand one another. We end up in that same drama over and over again. It is a dance with steps we and our partners have memorized over time. We have a choice. We do not have to keep dancing. We can change the steps. The old saying, it takes two to tango, is true in relationships as well. When one partner to the dance changes their steps, the other party is left to choose. They can dance alone, a very awkward situation... they can complain, change back messages... or over time they can change their steps as well.

Preventing recurrences are one of the purpose of self examination and communication. We cannot control what others may say or do, but we can certainly control how we respond. We choose to moderate our behavior regardless of how others may be acting. We change our steps and by default the dance changes. It may take time and patience, but if we take the long view, we can work toward making positive changes in our relationships. We use our tools and practice self care. In doing this we give ourselves the gift of hope.