Am I a Support or a Burden?

How we cope when our partner is having a rough day is important. Are we a person who helps make the difficulties lighter? Or are we someone who drags our partner down even more when times are hard for them?

We may not always have a choice about what happens in a day, but we have a choice in how we respond to the presenting challenge. We can meet challenges with gratefulness, realizing that we are learning a necessary lesson for our or our partners growth. Or, we can meet it with angst and hostility, feeling resentment that our plans have been altered against our wishes.

How we respond when our partner is wrestling with an issue is vital. If we maintain our composure, keep our response appropriate yet positive and try to see the benefit, we can enhance our partners surroundings.

If we succumb to the temptation to wallow in self pity and regret we may add fuel to our partners fire, possibly helping to derail their attempt to maintain composure. Or, worse yet, we may become an additional challenge in their day.

The last thing we want to do is to make our partners day more difficult when they are already stressed out about a challenge they are facing. One of the purposes of a relationship is to be a support to one another when difficulties arise. Our role of supporter is never more vital than at a time when our partner is in crisis.

We use our tools to remain centered, exercise patience, exhibit compassion and offer our assistance when appropriate. In this way we allow our partner the space and time necessary to solve their own challenges, while remaining available, should the need arise for our help to be requested. In this way we give our partner the gift of support.

Ask for Help

So often in our daily lives we encounter difficult situations that require we make a choice. Some choices are clear. Others require deliberation. We may want to mull over our options prior to committing to a path. We have many tools available to assist us in choosing. One tool at our disposal is: we can ask for help.

Too many times when challenges come before us we feel we must carry the burden of choosing alone. Society indicates through advertisement and marketing that somehow we are inept if we cannot decide an issue on our own. Some of us have been taught through our family of origin that asking for help will result in being shamed. We are now capable of making informed decisions about who it is safe to ask for help. We can trust our instincts and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. It is not necessary for us to pretend to know what to do in every situation. Perfection is not the goal.

There are areas in which each of us excel. Sharing our knowledge and abilities enables each of us to be stronger individuals. As we come in contact with others in our daily lives we have the opportunity to learn from each of them. Some contacts will teach us lessons about life, some interactions will give us insights into ourselves. Still some will cause us to suffer some unpleasantness. All these situations are presented to us as learning experiences from which we can benefit. We can choose to be open and allow ourselves to absorb the lessons that have been put before us.

Our goal is to take the information learned from each interaction and somehow incorporate it into our lives. In this way we grow and change. This is the path on which we encourage those around us to seek a more enlightened route for their lives. We become an example of recovery. Through using our tools we give ourselves the gift of improved self esteem and growth.

Letting Go

To say that letting go is difficult is an understatement. Letting events flow as the universe intends goes against the human instinct. We all strive to control outcomes. But is that really effective? When we move against the current, the ebb and flow of universal synergy, we set up a peculiar energy that others can feel. They may not be able to put their finger on what they sense, but they certainly sense that something is not right. Controlling outcomes may cause harm. Someone we love may be suffering the consequences of prior behaviors or acts. If we try to control outcomes to minimize their pain, should we succeed, what have we accomplished? We have failed to let our loved one learn their lesson. Instead we have taught them that when they make a mistake we will step in and save them from the natural consequences of their actions. This will eventually force the universe to cause them to experience a more severe consequence that even we cannot fix. So, have we helped? No. We have stepped in, and in our effort to provide a false bottom for them, have delayed them learning their lesson, actually causing them greater harm in the long run. Letting go means that we trust that we, and others, are exactly where we are supposed to be in the moment, and that there is a greater plan that we cannot yet see. When an artist paints he sees each individual brush stroke as he creates his masterpiece. He has a greater plan in mind. If we see only the brush strokes, we miss the masterpiece. We must step back and view the completed painting, seeing it in its entirety. Only then do we really understand the master plan. Our lives are like a painting. We cannot easily step back and view the path on which we walk. Only when time has passed and we have the opportunity to look back in retrospect can we appreciate the art of the universes plan.