Thursday, January 20, 2011

Help... I Have Made A Terrible Mistake

What happens if we leave our partner during mid life crisis only to find we made a terrible mistake?

There have been many of us who leave a long standing relationship (not always for another partner, some just for space) during mid life only to regret the decision when we realize the impact on our lives. Some of us have been fortunate enough to have sought counseling and been able to repair the rift before divorce became the only answer. Others have not been so lucky.

Looking outside ourselves for answers doesn't work. Happy isn't out there somewhere... happy is an inside job. If we aren't happy with our lives when we hit midlife it's time to reassess... not immediately look for an escape route. The level of maturity we have when midlife arrives determines how we handle it. Immature, coddled, self centered adults act out. Mature grown ups communicate.

It may be difficult or frightening to share our disappointments with our partner... but if we think clearly we will realize that they must have their own lost dreams to deal with as well. We are not the only one in the relationship. Acknowledging our limitations... becoming vulnerable... allowing ourselves to re-experience emotional intimacy... these are all paths back to wholeness.

We may have spent many years building walls instead of bridges. Our expectations must be realistic. We cannot undo what has taken years to create in a short time. Patience... hard work... honest self exploration and gentle sharing all work together to create the environment necessary to reinvent our relationship.

No comments:

Post a Comment