Want To Feel More Loving?

What happened to all the good feelings I used to have toward my partner? Why do I feel so irritated and upset toward my partner when we quarrel? How can I get back to feeling more loving?

During the course of a committed relationship we may find themselves becoming insensitive toward our partner. We forget just how special it is to be loved by someone who is not a blood relative of ours. We may forget that it takes a great deal of understanding and empathy to live with another human being. We forget that we have as many flaws (or more) as we see in our partner.

It is easy to point our finger at our partner and complain about some irritation that we have encountered. It is much harder to stop, think about whether or not this irritation is truly important, and decide whether or not to let it pass unspoken. How many times has our partner not complained about our missteps? A good measure of whether or not something is worth pursuing might be, "Will this matter in five years?" If the answer is no, maybe it doesn't matter today either.

There are more than enough serious issues that occupy partners in their everyday lives. We need to learn to let the trivial remain as such as keep alive the gratefulness we should feel, to be sharing our lives with someone we believe is special.

As we practice gratefulness in our daily lives we will give our partner what each of us truly yearns for... acceptance. More than any other area of our lives our primary relationship is the one in which we long to be accepted for who we really are. We wish to not need to wear masks with our partner, to be able to be ourselves and be loved as such. When we receive that gift within our relationship we feel valued, loved and special. We can then share that loving feeling with our partner and others in our life.

So the answer to the question... How can I get back to feeling more loving? Is to give unconditional love to our partner expecting nothing in return. In the process of giving freely of ourselves we open the door for real compassion and love to return to us. We attract not what we want, but who we are. If we remember this in all our endeavors we will be able to walk the path that leads to fulfillment by becoming the person within.

Back in the Saddle Again

BACK FROM VACATION!!

That may sound like something dreadful, but in fact looking forward to work is a blessing. How many of us come back from a wonderful, relaxing vacation looking forward to getting back in the saddle? Not so many, I think. Listening to all the folks out there screeching their complaints, vehemently issuing their opinions, positing their views, I think many of us are brimming with hostility. We glare at one another on the train conserving our bit of personal space. We sit alone in our cubicle or office sipping coffee waiting for the day to end. We endure our daily commute. Is this what we thought working would be like? Did we envision this when we went to school?

I used to be one of those people. For fifteen years I worked in the insurance industry reviewing and handling medical malpractice claims. I saw the worst of the worst... doctors who didn't have the skills to heal their patients, and patients who were so busy blaming everyone else for their medical problems that they took no responsibility for themselves and their health. One day I woke up and realized that I hated what I was doing for a living. It was like coming out of a long coma. On that day I made a decision that I would never again work in a job I didn't like or that gave me no personal fulfillment.

I went back to school and created a new career path for myself. One which fulfilled me as a person. Sure it was a lot less money. But if there is one thing I have learned in my life it's that money can make you miserable long before it even begins to make you happy. When I made lots of money... and I did make LOTS of money... I was a slave to the $$$. I couldn't leave my career because I had created a life style that demanded I continue to earn that level of income. What I realized was that I was far happier with less and capable of having a career that I love making less $$$ and loving my life.

These lessons weren't free. They cost me a good portion of my adult life, but I offer them to you freely in the hopes that you won't get trapped by the lure of $$$... keeping up with the Jones' and living your life shackled to your job. We spend fully one third of our life sleeping and one third working and commuting... that leaves only one third for relaxation. We might as well enjoy that third we spend working. Over the course of a lifetime, say thirty employed years, we expend about eighty thousand hours working. Let's make it something that fulfills us, that gives us joy, that allows us to give back to society.

Anyone can make money, be it large amounts or small. That's no accomplishment. Let's learn to make a life!! When you are on your death bed will you be wishing you spent more time at the office?

Happiness is an Inside Job

Image by ashley rose, via Flickr

How can we be happier persons?

One of the issues we all face during our lives is our dissatisfaction level. Some of us seem to be able to be happy pretty much regardless of our circumstances. Others of us have a hard time being happy even when everything seems to be going well. Why does this happen? What can we do about it?

Happiness is an inside job. When we enter a relationship as a person who is already happy and fulfilled in their lives, we bring ourselves as a gift to the relationship. When we come to a relationship with the expectation that our partner will be the one to make us happy, we are setting ourselves up for failure. No one person outside of us can fulfill us or make us a happy person. That is a task that each of us has to do for themselves.

When we enter into a relationship with our partner with the expectation that they will fulfill us, or make us feel happy when we are not, we are doomed to disappointment. If we are unhappy to begin with, eventually we will become unhappy again if we are not working on ourselves to change that dynamic. When that happens, we may blame our partner for our unhappiness rather than taking it upon ourselves to better our situation. Too many times we may leave the relationship once we feel unhappy, looking for a different partner to fix our happiness level. We will repeat this pattern over and over again, leaving relationship after relationship looking for the one who will finally make us feel fulfilled, when all along it was our responsibility to fulfill ourselves.

We want to bring ourselves as a gift to our relationship with something of value to add to that living dynamic entity. We do not want to be an albatross around our partners neck dragging them down with us into our pool of unhappiness. To that end we work on our recovery. We use our tools in our daily lives to help us overcome our issues and increase our self esteem. In this way we give ourselves the gift of happiness.