Recovery from Trauma, Stress and Abuse

There are many articles on trauma and stress. This one is excellent and addresses many of the issues we face in our relationships. It is interesting to note that the field of psychology has determined to give a diagnosis to the condition we in recovery have long termed codependency. As we practice our tools and increase our self esteem we overcome so many of these difficulties in our daily lives. Here are some excerpts from the article for our review.

The Effects of Prolonged Psychological Trauma and Abuse by Brian Trappler, M.D.

There was a time when mental health professionals attempted to fit all trauma-related symptoms into the single category of PTSD. Several years after PTSD was adopted , studies revealed that this diagnosis captured only a limited scope of post-traumatic symptoms.
Several studies of traumatized children reported patterns of unmotivated aggression and impulse control, dissociative symptoms and difficulties negotiating interpersonal relationships. Others studied victims who had survived rape or incest during childhood. Their findings also illustrated problems not captured in PTSD. Instead, these victims appeared to have a compromised sense of safety, self worth, and an inability to self-soothe.

People who have been in any type of prolonged abuse situation, including hostages, abused children and battered spouses, may continue to feel and behave as victims as a result of the sense of danger they felt when they were in the abusive situation... it never passed from their conscious or unconscious memory. Throughout their lives, they describe themselves as feeling emotionally dead inside... other people may see them as being detached. Almost twenty years after psychological effects of trauma had been squeezed into the label of PTSD, there emerged a new term for this syndrome: Complex Trauma.

The following symptoms may occur in people with prolonged histories of inter-personal trauma: disturbances in perception of self and others, patterns of trauma re-enactment, inability to regulate mood, the adoption by victims of the belief systems of their tormentors, a loss of a coherent sense of self, an inability to engage in stable or trusting relationships, and an inability to free themselves from the abuse dynamic. While some victims became abusers themselves, others appeared to become compulsively attracted to predators. By so doing, they continued a repetition-compulsion of their childhood abuse into their adult relationships. Complex trauma may cause changes in the following areas of development:

1. Alterations in mood and impulse control
2. Alterations in attention or consciousness
3. Symptoms of a somatic nature
4. Alterations in self-perception
5. Alterations in relations with others
6. Alterations in perception of the perpetrator
7. Alterations in systems of meaning

Complex Trauma may cause damage to the following areas of interpersonal functioning:

1. The capacity to feel secure and emotionally comfortable in relationships
2. The capacity to feel empowered in relationships with others (via empathic engagement)
3. The skills required for self-awareness.
4. The skills required for affect-regulation and self-soothing
5. The personal sense of boundaries
6. The ability to preserve world beliefs and a sense of meaning
7. The ability to stay anchored and mindful during stress (as opposed to dissociating)
8. The ability to tolerate a full range of emotions without being overwhelmed or shutting down


We can be grateful that we have the tools necessary to combat the effects of trauma, stress and abuse in our daily lives. We practice self care increasing our self esteem and moving ever so steadily toward acceptance. In this way we continue to give ourselves the gift of hope.

Getting Upset With Your Partner?

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Why do I feel upset when my partner is upset, when I have determined that it has nothing to do with me? Why do I get irritable when my partner is irritable?

We cannot underestimate the intensity of the relationship between partners. Sharing lives involves sharing emotional response and feelings. As partners we seem to pick up the emotions of the other. Why does this occur?

We may have been feeling peaceful and calm when our partner arrived irritable and anxious from a day at the office. Soon we are feeling tense and cranky and unable to determine the cause. We have suddenly changed mood and we are confused. What happened to us?

Within our nervous system exist mirror neurons. These mirror neurons relay a complex grouping of information to our brains including spoken words, tone of voice, body language and minute meta-messages that we are likely unaware we are sending and receiving. This information received by our mirror neurons causes us to release neurotransmitters in our brain creating a copy cat emotional response within us akin to what our partner is experiencing.

How do we determine what feelings belong to us and what feelings are being created within us by our relationship to our partner? Each of us is empathic within close relationships to some degree. We can tell a great deal about how our partner is feeling from tell tale signals they send within their voice and body language. We know when they are upset or angry.

We learn to differentiate when we practice our tools. We learn to respond rather than react when we are confronted with strong emotions. We take a moment to think about how we felt prior to being in the presence of our partner. This brief pause for reflection may give us insight into the origin of the feelings we are attempting to discern. We can then decide to respond rather than react. We may diffuse a potential disagreement by showing compassion for our partners foul mood and allowing them the space to soothe themselves back into balance. This allows our partner to practice self care and keeps us at arms length from the fray.

When partners become aware of how they may be mirroring each others behavior and attitudes they can choose compassion over reaction. Over time through learning to respond rather than react partners may overcome their natural tendency to mirror one another and improve the quality of their relationship.

Laughter Is Jogging on the Inside

Laugh and the world laughs with you! Laughter is the best medicine! Laugh it off! Laugh it up! LOL! LMAO! Laughter is jogging on the inside!

Why is laughter so important? Does it really make us feel better? Yes. Research shows that laughing releases chemicals in the brain that promote a more positive mood and decrease pain.

Some of the funniest laughter comes from laughing at ourselves. When we can laugh at ourselves not only to we enjoy the benefits to our health, but we show humility and a sense of perspective as to our place among our fellow human beings. In our ability to chuckle along when we make a faux pas, we allow others to relax in our company and enjoy their lives as well.

We've all known folks who were too uptight to have a good laugh at their own expense. Let us be certain that we continue to join the ranks of those who enjoy life to the fullest.

Physical Health and Emotional Health are Connected

One of the most important areas of our lives is our health. When we don't practice self care in our daily lives we can decrease our immune response and increase our chance of illness. It is vital that we practice healthy living principles to have the physical energy to support ourselves emotionally.

When we are hungry, angry, lonely, tired or stressed (HALTS) we may not have the energy we need to respond appropriately to our surroundings. When we feel ourselves reacting instead of responding to our environment, we check to see if we are dissipating our energy with the acronym HALTS. If we are facing any of these areas we can take a time out from our situation and practice self care. We can avoid reacting inappropriately if we do this brief self assessment (HALTS) when we first feel ourselves slipping.

When we are hungry we may become more irritable or hostile. Our blood sugar is falling and this may create a feeling within us that drives our mood. When we take a moment to care for our bodies and allow ourselves to rebalance our blood sugar, a balanced mood follows.

If we are upset about an unresolved issue, we may let those feelings overflow onto our current situation without realizing it. We can give ourselves a time out and practice some self care... meditation, guided imagery, taking a walk or calling a friend in order to cool off and gain perspective and insight into our emotional self.

If we are feeling lonely we ask ourselves if we are lonely or just alone. Alone time is essential for healthy growth, giving us time to reflect and be at peace with our inner self. If we are lonely, we can reach out to others via telephone, attend a meeting, use the Internet or just go out to a local shop.

When exhaustion takes it's toll we must acquiesce and sleep. Adequate daily rest is paramount to our health. We need to rejuvenate our bodies each night via proper rest. The most successful sleep patterns are those that follow a similar pattern of rest times each day. This works with the bodies natural rhythm enhancing overall health.

In times of stress we must make extra efforts at self care. There may be intervals when we endure extended periods of stress in our lives over which we may have virtually no control. During those times we practice self care, use our tools and if needed seek counseling to help us through the difficulties. Life can be problematic, but there is no need to face life's challenges alone. There is assistance and comfort at every level of society from the most experienced counselor to the local support meeting in a church basement. Reaching out for help when we feel overwhelmed is a healthy response to stress.

Taking care of our health and making sure we practice self care in our daily lives allows us to have the physical energy available to deal with the emotional issues that present themselves to us each day. Through this process of self care and using our tools we give ourselves the gift of emotional health.